George R. R. Martin - You better don't read this

Oh yes! What is life these days, if you haven't discussed and dissected Game of Thrones? If you haven't made your own stories out of the ones they show or if you haven't had your own (a few hundred) conspiracy theories?

Last night I was out for coffee with friends and my ex-student dropped in to meet me. After 2 minutes and 30 seconds of 'How are you?' and 'How much I've missed you!' and 'What are you up to these days?', he plopped next to me and asked, "So what do you think of Jon Snow's death?"

And so the story unfolds..

Me: As Martin states, 'All men must die', Valar Morghulis.

Dhruv: Oh come on! I think Jon Snow will come back to life.

Me: (now confused) Kaise?

Dhruv: Arey woh apni Melisandre kab kaam aayegi? There is a conspiracy theory that she will bring him back to life.

(Err conspiracy?? Anyway.. )

Me: This is a good one Dhruv. I always wanted Jon Snow to marry Daenerys and rule the seven kingdoms.

Dhruv: Wow! That would be wonderful. Specially if he turns out to be a Targaryen.

Me: Is he a Targaryen? You think so?

Dhruv: Oh yes, why not? Maybe Ned Stark lied about him. He could be Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen's son.

Me: (Ab ye kahan se aaya?) Yes yes. Possible.

Dhruv: See! Now Jon can marry his sister Daenerys and the story can end here. After all a Targaryen brother can marry his sister.

Me: (grinning evilly) But then who will look after the wall?

Dhruv: (giving me the 'why would someone care about the wall now?' kinda look) Hmm.. I'm sure there will be someone Martin can think of.

Me: I hope he thinks of Brienne of Tarth. She is amazing.

Dhruv: And I hope Martin does not read this.

Over and out.

The Gym Idiots

I have no disclaimers to make here. The names in this post have not been changed. Only in the hope that the idiots find their way here and read this one.

Today morning at the gym:

Sahil: Why don't you try the settings at 30 kgs?

Me: (Since this guy irritates me all the time, I just smile and refuse to reply)

Sahil: Come on, I can manage 30 myself. Go on, make some muscle.

Me: (My mind goes on abusive mode. I have no patience with this nutcase. I have class in an hours time. I have to finish my workout and run home. I don't want to talk to anyone. Urgh! But then..)
        Oh yes, this is all I want in life. Make muscles like a man. Soon Sahil. Soon.

And then I ignore him.

This is one kind of an idiot we all come across at the gym. Someone who enters the gym with a swagger (and these days my sing-along mind always seems to hum 'banno tera swagger laage saxy'), looks around at the people working out, moves his arms and legs like a pendulum, goes and talks to everyone around taking on the role of a gym trainer and does nothing much till he has to leave.

Then we have the musically inclined smart ass kinds. This one thinks he needs good music to work out well. So every time the speakers spew out a new song, he either goes on a 'Oh I am Salman Khan' mode or 'Oh I can't workout on this one' mode. Which only means either he starts working out like a maniac or jumps to the music console and changes the song. And generally it so happens that he doesn't like the changed song. So he changes to another one. And another one. And yes, we have a DJ in the house who doesn't know what kind of music he wants to play.

But then I can grind my teeth and bear these kinds till the next type of idiot crops up. In struts Manish and as soon as I see him I want to grab the TV remote and start watching Animal Planet or anything else but a sports channel. This is because he is a serious sports fanatic. He loves to watch a sport while working out. Not a problem you say, till I tell you what these kinds do.

Imagine a normal, early morning scenario when I am sweating it out on the crosstrainer. I am either watching a tennis match and enjoying myself or watching a football match and trying to understand why people go crazy while watching this game. 10 minutes down and I see Mr. Manish standing next to my machine. A newbie at the gym would think that he simply wants to use the machine. But I know better. All he wants to do is watch every move of the players and scream in elation or dejection.
And all I want to do is scream, "Dude! Stop breathing down my neck. Messi won't score if you jump in and cheer for him."

Now before the meninists feel like strangling me, let me conclude with the funniest kind I've seen. In pops Nisha. And well, she is always in a hurry. She'll enter the room, throw her bag under the table (I guess she doesn't know there are lockers in the other room) and jumps onto the treadmill. No big deal here till the crowd starts pouring in and the crosstrainer is not available for her. This is the time she starts cribbing and crying till someone just let's her get onto one. 10 minutes down and she sees someone get off the exercise cycle. So she'll stop her workout midway, and 'book' the cycle by throwing her napkin over the handle. Dare anyone try to use the machine now! Yes yes, she is the only one whose time is so important and we are but minions with nothing much to do.

I can definitely go on and on categorizing idiots but then I'd have to put myself into one too. So let me conclude by mentioning that I do not mind any of you being one, if you are hot and sexy. So if you're an eye candy, you are welcome to being an idiot.

Tanu and me

So these days I'm totally vella and doing crazy things like watching two movies every week. (For someone who doesn't go out to watch movies for months, this is a little too much) And then I missed a Wawrinka - Federer face-off for this one. For people who know me well, this is blasphemy! But this was a pre-planned outing and I could not cancel it. And since I enjoyed the movie I've decided not to cry over the missed match. Also, I thought I'd give my 2 Rs opinion about it and try writing something which has more than 140 characters. Just to make me feel like an intellectual. I wouldn't call this a review because I personally do not like reading reviews. Also everyone I know has already reviewed the movie where Tanu has been called a bitch. A woman with no heart. A woman who does not deserve Manu's love. And so on.. Tanu bashing has happened and how!

Not that I blame people for this. Specially when you compare her to the heartwarming Datto. The girl who loves Manu. The one who wants all or nothing. The lookalike who allows her 'souten' (this word gives a better effect than any angrezi word I know of) to stay around Manu and not care a damn. As for Manu, he is like a forever confused man. A man who loves Tanu, and then is sure that he hates her, but is still confused about his feelings for Datto.

Keeping Datto out of the equation and coming back to Tanu, let me say that I understand her perfectly. A boring husband. A doctor on top of that (do I see the doctors giving me dirty looks?) And a stale life of nothingness. Tanu, a vivacious woman, who can't do without drama in her life has to go through a drab boring existence. Someone who needs excitement and lust and laughter all around her has to wait for small little fun things to happen somewhere in the periphery of her life. Do you think it is easy for someone like her to live with Manu whose only idea of excitement is to go to a supermarket that is offering discounts? No, I don't think so.

As for Tanu going to Kanpur and meeting up with old flames.. All that she wants is to get a little high out of the big lows of her life. Perhaps she is looking for herself in all these silly antics. Searching for something she has lost after being cooped up with Manu. Perhaps she is trying to decipher her emotions. Trying to search for her love in the love of others.

And then there is the mattter of how Tanu behaves with Datto when they first meet. How she calls her 'gavar' and a few other uncivilized names. But then isn't this all about jealousy and possessiveness rather than trying to hurt Datto? All she is trying to do is get Sharmaji back. The pain, the hurt, the need to keep him in her life. These are the things that define Tanu's tears and behavior.

So who gave up on whom then? Tanu on Manu, or the other way around? Who started the divorce proceedings? Who decided to remarry? Who would have taken the last 'phera' if Datto hadn't stopped the ritual? Bingo! And then we blame the woman.

Now if you are wondering what the 'me' in the topic means... all I want to say is, given a similar situation, I would definitely be like Tanu. A little stupid. A little frustrated. A lot in love. And a lot of expectations out of the man who is the center of her being. So be it if you hate her. So be it if you think she is wrong. I will be just like her.

Krishna and her

Krishna: Do you really love me?

The woman smiled sadly at him and looked away. Tears pouring. Blood pounding in her head. Did she really love him? Her lord? Her man? Her lover?

He had asked the question, for he did not know her as his Meera. The woman whose existence depended upon him. The woman who chanted his name even when he was nowhere in sight. The one whose being belonged to him. Whose soul, darkened by the shade of his skin had turned into the perfect blend of passion. Of reverence.

He had asked the question, for he did not know her as his Radha. The woman who danced to the tune of his flute and had lost herself only to find him. The woman who had broken all the boundaries of social norms to love him like no other. The one who wanted his divine love. Whose beauty, smile and happiness belonged to him and only him.

And he had asked her, "Do you really love me?"

Peephole - One Frame Story

Earth:

Akshay’s heart soared at the sight of the bird flying towards the moon. Nights made him happy. The moon was his friend.

Fiona hated the same sight. She liked the moon to be spotless. Pristine. Impeccable. She waited for the bird to fly away. To not ruin her night.

And then there were the lovers. Enticed by the moon; they lay naked, spent and breathless.

BUT..

Moon – an hour back:

The dark soul of the moon wanted freedom. The claustrophobia was murderous. It opened its wings and sliced through it. The moon had a hole. A beauty spot.

Perplexed - 55 Word Story

The little boy was confused. He looked at the idol. ‘A God?’ he wondered. Fat. Huge. Head of an elephant. Body of a human. Mommy had told him God was beautiful. He wasn’t sure now.

He turned to walk away. A laddoo rolled out of a plate. Smiling, he gulped it whole.

God was beautiful.

Nomadic - 55 Word Story

The old actress lay on her deathbed. Reminiscing the past, she smiled. Everything had been easy. The fame, the money, the lovers. She looked at the people standing around her, shedding tears of sorrow. They did love her after all. Everything remained like before.

The only thing that never stayed was ‘time’. It killed her.

Virtual Love - 55 Word Story

It was love at first sight for him. Her perfect lips. Her alluring curves. Her shapely breasts. All enticing him.

He made up his mind to find out everything about her.

The only thing he would never find out would be the innumerable times a knife had made her perfect. A virtual image of herself.

Looking Back in Anger - 55 Word Story

He was angry. All those unwanted killings. All those deaths. Years of deciphering wrong out of right. Was there even a point? They had lied. Fooled the world. Blood was not red. It was black. It had to be black. Only black could kill in the name of religion and relish the taste of it.

The City by the Sea - 55 Word Story

The girl was breathless. Her beautiful city was not too far away. If only she could swim through this claustrophobia! If only she could lose herself once again! There was no other way to escape.

She picked up the shining blade and slit her wrist. She did not like being among this sea of whores.

Apps for Apes - 55 Word Story

The tablet was lying on the ground. He looked at it with fascination. It had some letters all over. What was it, he wondered? Should he touch it? What would happen if he did? Would the letters jump back at him? Tentatively he brushed the top. He stared in awe at King Ashoka’s tablet inscriptions.

Missed Connection - 55 Word Story

The little girl looked at him with consternation. Will he? Won’t he? She desperately wanted that box for herself. No other box would work. He looked confused and moved his hand towards the other box. She smiled. He grinned slyly and marked a cross in her box. Her tic-tac-toe never connected. She lost the game.

Citizens of No Place - 55 Word Story

The orphan sat under the streetlamp. The hut he lived in was too dark. All his life he had lived in the same hut. The same little place. He looked at the books he had stolen. Books on Korea, Libya, Pakistan. Places he would visit sitting under that streetlamp. Wondering where exactly did he belong.

Cheat - 55 Word Story

He eyed Ankita from afar. His companion oblivious to the happening. Ankita moved towards the bedroom, signaling him to follow. He knew he shouldn’t. His companion would be furious. But desire knows no stops. They made wild love. After all they were getting married. His companion, his mother, would never know that they had cheated.

War - 55 Word Story

A war had been waging between them since they’d married. An arranged marriage. A big mistake. He was selfish. She was aloof. She knew he’d had a few affairs. She wasn't innocent either. But life has its way of haunting you. She shot him. And then herself. Death was what got them together. For eternity.

Caress - 55 Word Story

He looked at her with desire and longing. She lay asleep on her bed, breathing peacefully. He moved closer, slithering over her body. She stirred because the feeling was unusual. He caressed her body softly and tenderly. But before she could wonder what was coming, he raised his hood and stung her. She died instantly.

Delirium - 55 Word Story

She looked at the phone in her hand. She checked her mail. Nothing. Where was he? In the arms of another woman? Work? Shopping with his wife? Or was it simply a detachment?

That was when her delirium took over. She did not want to know now. She wiped the tears. She killed her existence.

Breath - 55 Word Story

She had made her decision. She would take the straight path, no matter what obstacles. She closed her teary eyes, reminiscing the past. Her dreams, their death. First came the tiny steps and then the longer strides. She walked on and on till she could breathe no more. And then the calm sea engulfed her.

Zeal - 55 Word Story

His zeal proved to be his nemesis. He never realized this till it was too late. Looking at her naked body, he remembered the crazy passion he had given it. Now it lay next to his feet, bloodied and dead. He had hacked her to pieces. She had dared to share it with another woman.

Clothes Unbecometh You

Women and clothes go hand in hand, or rather hand in wallet. We have money, we buy clothes. We do not have money, we still buy clothes. And most of us will buy anything that the malls/designers/non designers/stores/roadside-vendors wish to sell and fleece us out of every paisa we have on us.

So let me start with my favorite gut wrenching, heart killing and breath stopping kinda look. Animal prints. No, no, no. I know they look good sometimes. But not all the time. Not when a woman wears tight, red jeans and leopard print, figure hugging top which shows off her ample bosom (Yes guys, I know you are imagining this now!) and her fabulous, well endowed round stomach. Not when she wears a black top and combines it with tiger printed or cat pawed leggings/jeggings or whatever INGS it is. (I have still not fathomed the difference between all these lowers and I don't care to find out.) When I see someone wear such clothes all I want to do it close my eyes and forget about the 'fox pass'. For, it scares the shit out of me. And then I imagine her jumping onto me like a leopard and it scares crazier shit out of me!

And then I wish to tell you about this 'aunty' living in my apartment, who made such a hue and cry just because we called her aunty. Not that she is too old. She must be 6 or 7 years older to me. But then, I cannot help it if she looks like 'aunty' and I don't, right? Now the problem with such people is that they love to dress young. Her clothes are at least two sizes smaller. Tight. And claustrophobic. I sometimes wonder if they will tear off the seams and fall off. Not that anyone would want that, but I still wonder. And then I have to bear looking at her pass by me every single day. Wearing tights or shorts or skirts combined with plunging neck tops. Ah poor me! My eyes feel the torture every single moment, while my lips have to keep smiling and my brain has to remember not to call her 'aunty'.

Now girls in their twenties are not too far off from such idiosyncrasies. Could someone please inform them that fashion is not about wearing stupid clothes. Even if you are the hottest chick in town. Like I came across this hot, sexy, beautiful girl. At first I didn't notice anything amiss. Well dressed, perfectly manicured hands and perfectly fake make-up. But things went wrong once she passed by me and walked ahead of me. I almost faltered and fell off the footpath! I actually kept staring at her ass wondering if something was wrong with my eyes. After a few stares and glances I realized that I had seen it right. There was a zip at the back of her trousers, right on her butt crack. Like what! Why there?! I really have no clue. If this is fashion, I am better off wearing my normal jeans and tee and still looking hotter (and smarter) than her.

My only wish when I come across such pathetic fashion, is that I had the power to burn off all these horrific clothes and bring peace to this world.