George R. R. Martin - You better don't read this

Oh yes! What is life these days, if you haven't discussed and dissected Game of Thrones? If you haven't made your own stories out of the ones they show or if you haven't had your own (a few hundred) conspiracy theories?

Last night I was out for coffee with friends and my ex-student dropped in to meet me. After 2 minutes and 30 seconds of 'How are you?' and 'How much I've missed you!' and 'What are you up to these days?', he plopped next to me and asked, "So what do you think of Jon Snow's death?"

And so the story unfolds..

Me: As Martin states, 'All men must die', Valar Morghulis.

Dhruv: Oh come on! I think Jon Snow will come back to life.

Me: (now confused) Kaise?

Dhruv: Arey woh apni Melisandre kab kaam aayegi? There is a conspiracy theory that she will bring him back to life.

(Err conspiracy?? Anyway.. )

Me: This is a good one Dhruv. I always wanted Jon Snow to marry Daenerys and rule the seven kingdoms.

Dhruv: Wow! That would be wonderful. Specially if he turns out to be a Targaryen.

Me: Is he a Targaryen? You think so?

Dhruv: Oh yes, why not? Maybe Ned Stark lied about him. He could be Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen's son.

Me: (Ab ye kahan se aaya?) Yes yes. Possible.

Dhruv: See! Now Jon can marry his sister Daenerys and the story can end here. After all a Targaryen brother can marry his sister.

Me: (grinning evilly) But then who will look after the wall?

Dhruv: (giving me the 'why would someone care about the wall now?' kinda look) Hmm.. I'm sure there will be someone Martin can think of.

Me: I hope he thinks of Brienne of Tarth. She is amazing.

Dhruv: And I hope Martin does not read this.

Over and out.

The Gym Idiots

I have no disclaimers to make here. The names in this post have not been changed. Only in the hope that the idiots find their way here and read this one.

Today morning at the gym:

Sahil: Why don't you try the settings at 30 kgs?

Me: (Since this guy irritates me all the time, I just smile and refuse to reply)

Sahil: Come on, I can manage 30 myself. Go on, make some muscle.

Me: (My mind goes on abusive mode. I have no patience with this nutcase. I have class in an hours time. I have to finish my workout and run home. I don't want to talk to anyone. Urgh! But then..)
        Oh yes, this is all I want in life. Make muscles like a man. Soon Sahil. Soon.

And then I ignore him.

This is one kind of an idiot we all come across at the gym. Someone who enters the gym with a swagger (and these days my sing-along mind always seems to hum 'banno tera swagger laage saxy'), looks around at the people working out, moves his arms and legs like a pendulum, goes and talks to everyone around taking on the role of a gym trainer and does nothing much till he has to leave.

Then we have the musically inclined smart ass kinds. This one thinks he needs good music to work out well. So every time the speakers spew out a new song, he either goes on a 'Oh I am Salman Khan' mode or 'Oh I can't workout on this one' mode. Which only means either he starts working out like a maniac or jumps to the music console and changes the song. And generally it so happens that he doesn't like the changed song. So he changes to another one. And another one. And yes, we have a DJ in the house who doesn't know what kind of music he wants to play.

But then I can grind my teeth and bear these kinds till the next type of idiot crops up. In struts Manish and as soon as I see him I want to grab the TV remote and start watching Animal Planet or anything else but a sports channel. This is because he is a serious sports fanatic. He loves to watch a sport while working out. Not a problem you say, till I tell you what these kinds do.

Imagine a normal, early morning scenario when I am sweating it out on the crosstrainer. I am either watching a tennis match and enjoying myself or watching a football match and trying to understand why people go crazy while watching this game. 10 minutes down and I see Mr. Manish standing next to my machine. A newbie at the gym would think that he simply wants to use the machine. But I know better. All he wants to do is watch every move of the players and scream in elation or dejection.
And all I want to do is scream, "Dude! Stop breathing down my neck. Messi won't score if you jump in and cheer for him."

Now before the meninists feel like strangling me, let me conclude with the funniest kind I've seen. In pops Nisha. And well, she is always in a hurry. She'll enter the room, throw her bag under the table (I guess she doesn't know there are lockers in the other room) and jumps onto the treadmill. No big deal here till the crowd starts pouring in and the crosstrainer is not available for her. This is the time she starts cribbing and crying till someone just let's her get onto one. 10 minutes down and she sees someone get off the exercise cycle. So she'll stop her workout midway, and 'book' the cycle by throwing her napkin over the handle. Dare anyone try to use the machine now! Yes yes, she is the only one whose time is so important and we are but minions with nothing much to do.

I can definitely go on and on categorizing idiots but then I'd have to put myself into one too. So let me conclude by mentioning that I do not mind any of you being one, if you are hot and sexy. So if you're an eye candy, you are welcome to being an idiot.

Tanu and me

So these days I'm totally vella and doing crazy things like watching two movies every week. (For someone who doesn't go out to watch movies for months, this is a little too much) And then I missed a Wawrinka - Federer face-off for this one. For people who know me well, this is blasphemy! But this was a pre-planned outing and I could not cancel it. And since I enjoyed the movie I've decided not to cry over the missed match. Also, I thought I'd give my 2 Rs opinion about it and try writing something which has more than 140 characters. Just to make me feel like an intellectual. I wouldn't call this a review because I personally do not like reading reviews. Also everyone I know has already reviewed the movie where Tanu has been called a bitch. A woman with no heart. A woman who does not deserve Manu's love. And so on.. Tanu bashing has happened and how!

Not that I blame people for this. Specially when you compare her to the heartwarming Datto. The girl who loves Manu. The one who wants all or nothing. The lookalike who allows her 'souten' (this word gives a better effect than any angrezi word I know of) to stay around Manu and not care a damn. As for Manu, he is like a forever confused man. A man who loves Tanu, and then is sure that he hates her, but is still confused about his feelings for Datto.

Keeping Datto out of the equation and coming back to Tanu, let me say that I understand her perfectly. A boring husband. A doctor on top of that (do I see the doctors giving me dirty looks?) And a stale life of nothingness. Tanu, a vivacious woman, who can't do without drama in her life has to go through a drab boring existence. Someone who needs excitement and lust and laughter all around her has to wait for small little fun things to happen somewhere in the periphery of her life. Do you think it is easy for someone like her to live with Manu whose only idea of excitement is to go to a supermarket that is offering discounts? No, I don't think so.

As for Tanu going to Kanpur and meeting up with old flames.. All that she wants is to get a little high out of the big lows of her life. Perhaps she is looking for herself in all these silly antics. Searching for something she has lost after being cooped up with Manu. Perhaps she is trying to decipher her emotions. Trying to search for her love in the love of others.

And then there is the mattter of how Tanu behaves with Datto when they first meet. How she calls her 'gavar' and a few other uncivilized names. But then isn't this all about jealousy and possessiveness rather than trying to hurt Datto? All she is trying to do is get Sharmaji back. The pain, the hurt, the need to keep him in her life. These are the things that define Tanu's tears and behavior.

So who gave up on whom then? Tanu on Manu, or the other way around? Who started the divorce proceedings? Who decided to remarry? Who would have taken the last 'phera' if Datto hadn't stopped the ritual? Bingo! And then we blame the woman.

Now if you are wondering what the 'me' in the topic means... all I want to say is, given a similar situation, I would definitely be like Tanu. A little stupid. A little frustrated. A lot in love. And a lot of expectations out of the man who is the center of her being. So be it if you hate her. So be it if you think she is wrong. I will be just like her.